75 signs you are Turkish..

75 signs you are Turkish..

You know you are a Turk when..

  1. you’ve lived in Auburn; Broadmeadows or Dandenong
  2. you have at least one relative that lives in Mildura or Shepparton
  3. your family or relatives owns a restaurant on Sydney road
  4. your parents pronounce Brunswick as Branzvik
  5. you know where “Ford’un arkasi” or “Corum parki” is
  6. your dad’s favorite English insult it “Blady poofta!”
  7. you argue with your Greek friends about if Turks or Greeks invented kebabs
  8. your parents watch the ‘Ibo Show‘ or ‘Kara Melek‘
  9. your father used to work at the Ford factory
  10. your father now is a Taxi driver or owns a Restaurant
  11. you are forbidden to speak English at home but speak Anglo-Turkish e.g.
  12. “Mom ben tonight disari cikmak istiyorum” (this is especially true for Cypriot Turks)
  13. you have watched all the Kemal Sunal movies and think they are hilarious
  14. you are years old and still living with your parents
  15. you always bet money on Turkey in a soccer match even if they are playing Brazil
  16. your name ends with -han; -kan; -tan
  17. you can speak perfect Turkish even though you have lived in Australia all your life
  18. you are an adult and your mother still thinks she can bash you
  19. your parents pronounce Coburg as Koburk
  20. your name rhymes with your brothers and sisters names
  21. your parents pronounce Thursday as Turzdey
  22. your mother can cook at least four different kinds of dolma
  23. you brag to your friends about how your great grand father shot dead skips in Galipoli
  24. you learnt to dance the Zeybek by watching your drunken relatives at a friends wedding
  25. at least one of your aunts or uncles is married to an Albanian; Bosnian or a Bulgarian
  26. you think kick boxing is the Turkish national sport
  27. you go out with a Turkish girl; your parents automatically think that you’re going to marry her
  28. you have at least three evil eye beads (Nazar boncuk) hanging over your doors in the house or hanging on the rear view mirror in the car
  29. you don’t know half the people on your dad’s side but know everyone on your mothers side of the family
  30. your parent’s friends always confuse you with your older brother/sister
  31. your parents want you to go to University just so they can show off to their friends
  32. if your great grand mother was from Russia or Greece
  33. if you think that Galatasaray is the best soccer team in Europe
  34. your father thinks he knows everything and there is no way you can win an argument with him even if you are % right
  35. you went to learn folk dancing on Saturdays when you were young
  36. you are an adult and your parents still expect you to kiss the hands of visitors (misafir)
  37. you go on facebook 24/7
  38. you passed Turkish school with out doing any work because your Turkish teacher is a family friend
  39. you have an account with every single mobile phone provider
  40. someone in your family is a panel beater
  41. your Baba hangs out in the Kahve (Cafe) with his friend’s playing cards or Okay
  42. your parents used to make you go to the Bakkal (bodega) to buy a newspaper when you were years old
  43. your mother used to hit you when you were small to make you stop crying.. I still don’t understand that one
  44. your father or uncle buys smashed cars; fixes them up and sells them for twice the money he spent on them
  45. you have never paid money for a program or game for your computer; instead you just borrow it from your friends or just get it burnt
  46. when it’s Bayram and you go to someone’s house and they offer you lollies; you take a handful
  47. you have at least one fake belt or a fake bag from Turkey
  48. your family is bigger than the Kelly Family.
  49. you have at least 600 invited guests at your wedding, half of which you don't even know.
  50. you even smear Nutella and jam on the pide.
  51. you know who Saban is.
  52. your father comes to one of your soccer games and is upset that you're not a striker.
  53. your father constantly insults you with "ESSOLESEK".
  54. your name is never pronounced correctly.
  55. there are at least 5 tapes from Orhan, Ferdi or Müslüm in your household.
  56. your household consumes more tea than the UK.
  57. you like sunflower seeds and keep eating them even though your tongue and lips are already numb.
  58. you can't buy anything without haggling first, even in Australia
  59. you never have a plan, but always a solution.
  60. your mother expects four people to visit, but cooks so much that an army could be fed and still says: "Ay bu yetmez, biseyler daha yapayim".
  61. the TV runs all day even when nobody is watching.
    after buying a television, your father wraps the remote control in plastic film so that it doesn't wear out so much.
  62. your mother (but even more grandma) buys a couch because of the beautiful design, but puts a blanket or "Carsaf" over it so it doesn't get dirty.
  63. you think you could repair an electronic device by giving it a few hard times or turning it on and off once.
  64. you chat with your guests for another 10-20 minutes in the stairwell when saying goodbye in the middle of the night.
  65. as a girl you always have to hear: "Bak cok ayip, bi kiza hic yakisiyor mu?".
  66. in your home there are small, white, self-knitted, overly annoying doilies called "Dantel".
  67. your Turkish hairdresser is at his door "open until 6 p.m." and you can see him cutting his hair at 10 p.m.
  68. you tell something exciting and get louder and louder without even realizing it.
  69. you as a girl buy a new dress every time a relative of yours marries, even though you have at least 10 dresses that you have only worn once.
  70. if at least one of your relatives is a taxi driver, car dealer, kiosk owner, snack bar or restaurant owner, doctor's assistant or fruit and vegetable seller.
  71. you share a meal with your friends and leave the larger piece to them and say you are already so full, even if it is not really so.
  72. everyone sits at dinner and a small piece is left over, but no one dares to finish this piece and a little argument breaks out because everyone thinks the other should eat it.
  73. little girls are always told by older women "Seni ogluma alayim mi?"
    your father at work and your mother in the women's group bragging about the son / daughter.
  74. every new Turkish acquaintance says "Memleket nere?"
  75. as a child you are always asked "Kimin oglu- / kizisin?"

you go out with a Turkish girl; your (and her) Turkish parents automatically think that you’re going to marry her

An oldie but a goodie! This article was made up of jokes passed between Australian Turks via email in the early 2000s. It was first published in 2004 on QTurks.com and later on EverythingTurkish.com.au in 2007 as "You know you are a Turk when..".


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